Fateh..Ujian yang Menguji..

Fateh...sayang ummi....Well i'm not sure in what mood actually i'm writing this down..
Sad??Grateful??Shock??Helpless??Scared??

Actually, semuanya berbaur and i'm still trying to adjust to the news..
As per last post, i've mentioned that Fateh needs to undergo another echocardiogram test..as the first one last Friday had fail...On Monday 4/2/13 we went..and i was hoping that Fateh will fall to sleep this time so the test could take place..Dan of course, I wish the test will turn out to show that he is alright..oh how I really wish it does come true..

At 2.45pm we gave him the sleeping med and within half an hour Alhamdulillah he went to sleep..
From there, we went to the imaging room for the test..As the doctor enter the rooms few minutes later, I suddenly started to feel different and at that time I was thinking 'Na'ah..nothing Rose, stop thinking too much..'

Tapi kemudian keheningan bilik tu, ketekunan doktor yang nampak sungguh fokus menghadirkan satu rasa yang tidak enak dihati ini..Then when the doctor shut off the machine and started to say ' Ok..he actually has masalah injap jantung sempit'..Zaap..ummi rasa macam ok..doktor ni cakap Fateh ada problem.. then when he goes on with the explanation, I started to feel like my mind is somewhere else..cuba sangat untuk fokus pada doktor..Dalam keadaan separa sedar, sempat ummi bertanya on the symptom but he said that in moderate stage normally the infant does not show any symptom and looks active as usual.. But if not treated could risk his health in future..Doctor mentioned that my baby is diagnose for Moderate Pulmonary Stenosis.

http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInfo/HealthLibrary/cardiac/ps.html


He suggest treatment of ballon dilation and refers Fateh to IJN this March..
I was shocked, sad, try not to believe, anxious, and most of all I feel scared..Takut..dengan ujian Allah ni..mampu ke ummi hadapi, bagaimana harus ummi hadapi.. Tapi kemudian, ummi teringat kata-kata ini 'Allah tidak menguji hambaNya atas apa yang hambaNya tidak mampu, tapi Dia turunkan ujian itu kerana Dia tahu hambaNya mampu mengatasinya'..
Alhamdulillah, ummi akhirnya dapat terima dan cuba menjadi lebih kuat untuk anak-anak ummi..Fateh needs me, Fatihah needs me and I need my childrens..They are my bundles of joy..Penawar dan penyejuk hati..

Kemana ummi harus palingkan wajah kerna bila terpandangkan Fateh ummi teringat kata-kata doktor..Sedaya upaya ummi cuba berlagak biasa, tapi Allah lebih tahu..

'Ya Allah, hanya Kau yang tahu apa ada dihatiku..saat insan lain melihat aku bersahaja..aku sebenarnya cuba membina kekuatan..sedaya upaya cuba mempamerkan keceriaan walau hakikatnya ada saat-saat yang aku tenggelam dalam fikiran sendiri..jangan Kau lemaskan aku dalam dugaan ini..sebaliknya angkatlah aku dari kedukaan ini dan kurniakanlah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi ujian Mu ini. Hanya Kau tempat kami bermohon-Amin'

Rasa tak terluah apa yang ada dilubuk hati, tapi Allah Maha Mendengar dan Maha Mengetahui..semoga Dia akan jadi penawar abadi.. Ya Rahman..Ya Rahim...Peliharalah anak-anakku..

aktif and looks healthy..moga Allah mudahkan urusan nanti